Goodbye 2014...You Are No Longer Welcome

OK...so I haven't written on this blog since 2012.  That seems bad in the world of blogging.  Some might even consider it lazy.  How about we dust off this old thing and see if I still know how to type?!  Shall we...

Well, 2014 kinda sucked.  It had some good moments but it had a lot of bad ones too.  I am one of those glass all the way empty and has dust in it kind of people so I tend to focus on the bad.  I would say I will be better in 2015 but I have a bad feeling I won't be so nobody get their hopes up.  OK?  OK!

As 2014 winds its way to a close I am tired.  Not just the "I want to go to bed" tired but tired of how my life is going.  It has been a bit of a mess the last couple of years.  Not to go into great detail, but it has been a series of unfortunate events.  (See!  I am really trying to tie this train wreck back to movies and/or books!)

I want 2015 to be better.  I think about it A LOT!  But, what does better mean anyway?  Making more money?  A new relationship?  Helping others more?  Going on a great vacation?  Updating this blog more than every two and a half years?!  Yes to all those and many, many more.

So, here is to being a better "me" in the New Year.  Letting go of past hurts.  Trying to see the glass at least half empty instead of bone dry.  Being happier than I have been in a long time.

And what about all those movies in 2015?!  Avengers; Age of Ultron!  Star Wars: The Force Awakens!  50 Shades of Gray!  Kidding about that last one!  (So not kidding.)

See you at the movies...

A New Look At The Old South

I don't think I have to tell you of my love for Quentin Tarantio's take on WWII in Inglourious Basterds.  Now, it seems Tarantio has turned his skilled camera lens on the Old South.  No, this will not be a tale that includes a land of Cavaliers and Cotton Fields called the Old South...where the pretty world of Gallantry took its last bow... where it was the last ever to be seen of Knights and their Ladies Fair, of Master and of Slave...We should look for that only in movies (one in particular), for it is no more than a dream remembered. A Civilization gone with the wind...  Yep, ripped that one right out of the most famous tale of the Old South, a piece of Southern heritage as rich as pecan pie served with sun tea...sweet, of course, Gone With The Wind.  And while you will never hear me say a harsh word against that wonderful movie, I do look much more forward to watching Tarantio's newest take on the Old South than rewatch the four plus hour epic that brought us a sassy girl named Scarlett and a dashing rake named Rhett.

Django Unchained will arrive this Christmas.  With it, Tarantio brings to life the story of a slave-turned-bounty hunter who sets out to rescue his wife from a brutal Mississippi plantation owner.  It stars the memorizing Christoph Waltz as a bounty hunter who becomes the mentor for that slave-turned-bounty hunter mentioned above who is played by Jamie Foxx.  The two set off on a quest to bring down Waltz's latest bounty and, in doing so, win Foxx his freedom and the help he needs to find his wife who was kidnapped.  Also in the mix is Leonardo DiCaprio who, I think, serves as the brutal Mississippi plantation owner that has Foxx's wife.

Released last week, the first full trailer makes me wish Christmas could be in July.  Take a look...

That has classic Tarantio written all over it.  I can't wait!  If it is as good as this trailer hints at, then this flick will proudly go on the shelf beside Gone With The Wind...and Inglorious Basterds.  Yes, my movie collection, if anything, is unique.

One of these days I will get around to writing about (read gushing over) The Avengers.  Let me just say, if you haven't seen it at least once or twice, you are missing out!  It too will be on my movie shelf the day it comes out!  In closing, I'll just throw out one of my favorite lines from that great summer flick..."Loki's a full-tilt diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built in the skies with his name plastered...sonofab*&$#!"  Yep, Tony (aka Iron Man) just figured out where Loki's hiding out! Don't understand?  Go see it!  You will not be disappointed!  

See you at the movies...

Worth Another Watch...Or Two...Or Three

Well, I have neglected this poor blog long enough!  Since I last posted that bit of self pity, I have turned *cough* years old, been to New York and have worked...and worked...and worked!  Work and more work is on the horizon so I thought I would pop on here to toss up a YouTube video or two.  Yes, that counts as a real post! 

SPOILER - If you watch The Vampire Diaries and have not seen the last episode, DO NOT WATCH the video below.  You've been warned.  Oh...and don't read anything else in this post either. 

Whether you love The Vampire Diaries or not, this is a great scene.  Long time in coming for the female lead, Elena, to finally admit (and act on) her feelings for the male lead, Damon.  I think she delivers the message clearly!  Of course, we still have Damon's brother, Stefan, to deal with in this love triangle.  Which will she choose?!  I would go with Damon if I had to choose just one.  Otherwise, I'd take 'em both!  Judge me now! :)

Anyway, here is the scene that I had been waiting years to see.  Be aware it fades to black and comes back.  It was the commercial break.

FINALLY!  Elena makes a move on the hot brother!  So what that she already had a thing with the other hot brother! All is fair in love, war and vampire TV shows!

I would like to break down a few of my favorite parts.  Damon with his shirt open is way hotter than Damon without a shirt.  Go figure!  He also rocks the color black!  Elena, as always, sleeps in full make-up, earrings and clothes.  OK.  I can get over that part.  I love the flickering light when they kiss.  I think that was symbolism for "will their passion, once tested, flicker and fade to black."  Is that why that light was flickering?  Probably not but I would like to think so.  Damon putting her against the wall.  Wow and oh yeah!  Finally, why has this show, which has killed off tons of main characters, not killed off the annoying Jeremy yet?! 

Also, since this blog CLAIMS to be about movies, I thought I would throw a movie at you!  DISCLAIMER - I am usually totally against movies based on Nicholas Sparks' novels.  OK, except for The Notebook which I loved.  BUT...all the rest are usually on my "don't see" list.  However, I broke my rule about Sparks' movies and went out with a fabulous (you know who you are) group of women to see The Lucky One.  I am going to be really honest.  I was going to see Zac Efron.  Yes, that kid from High School Musical fame.  I have no excuse or defense.  He's a 25 year old guy that I find hot.  Again, let the judgement rain down! 

Well, Zac has grown up a bit and he did not disappoint.  The movie was only so-so but Efron was worth the price of admission.  Yes, I am starting to judge myself now. 

It's not a great movie but it has it's moments...an outdoor shower comes to mind.  Here is the trailer...

Efron's character, Logan, had me at "You should be kissed everyday, every hour, every minute"...well...he probably had me with those blue eyes before that but that quote was awesome!  As with Sparks' movies, somebody is going to die.  It's his formula.  Not ashamed to admit I cried.  Not because of who died, I was totally OK with that part.  I cried because art doesn't imitate life and guys aren't like Logan.  Darn you Nicholas Sparks for making me cry in one of your movies again!

Until next time...

It's Always Something...

Ever notice when you get something behind you that you've been dreading, life throws you something new?  Well, I hate that!  I think we need a mandatory 1 week "down time" before the next, "are you kidding me" type deal arrives that your mind fixates on.

As you might have guessed, I have been worrying about something (small by the weight of the world standards) but it was troubling.  I hate stress.  I think it should be outlawed.  I bet Obama will claim he can do that in his re-election bid!  (And make all of Paula Deene's recipes fat free without removing any of her fabulous ingredients!  He should really claim that one!  It would go a LONG way with the Southern states! Just saying!)

Anyway, the issues got resolved today with mostly excellent results!  YIPPIE!  I see myself pulling right off of the stress interstate and into calmville when WHAM!, hit by the stress bus I didn't see coming!  Why?  Oh...yeah...that's life! 

It really isn't even stress but those things that I let bother me.  We've all got 'em.  Those nagging little things that tell you what a bad person you are!  The real deal is we are all bad people without grace and forgiveness!  But, we rank the bad, don't we? 

Here's the deal, I am divorced.  I was married for 7 months (yes, I said months) and then I...yes, me...made the decision to end the marriage.  I take full responsibility for my actions.  I was stupid.  Some people judge me based on that fact.  Some don't even know they are doing it but they do it just the same...because it isn't what they would have done.  They would never have done that!  Well, you sure didn't walk that mile in my shoes.  The shoes I still have to wear and feel bad about every time it comes to mind.  I know that divorce is something that God hates.  I know that if you remarry, as I have, then you commit adultry.  All of these are truths.  I acknowledge my mistakes.  Thank goodness there are people so much better than me. 

BUT, are they?  Of course not.  We are all sinners saved by grace.  Before my divorce (besides being young and stupid) I looked down on people and thought of myself as better many times because I hadn't made in "big mistakes."  Afterwards, I looked at myself for what I am...a worthless sinner in need of Jesus!  I knew I needed Him before, but that divorce opened my heart to knowing that we all walk this road of life and make mistakes.  We all need forgiveness from our Lord.  A litttle compassion from each other is also a really good thing!

So, next time I start to stand on a "I would never have done that" type moment, I hope I remember how I felt when someone did it to me.  It sure doesn't feel good.

(I promise that one of these days I will get back to writing about movies and more fun stuff.  I just needed to purge this before I let it bother me and send me heading 100 mph down that stress interstate!)

Countdown...

I am on the countdown to my 40th birthday. Yippie...right? Actually, who cares? Another number. Another birthday. I wish I had done things by now that I haven't and I have regrets. That's life...right? Maybe.

The last couple of years have been...um...less than great. That happens. Life isn't a promise of the easy. However, it has made me into a person who doesn't want to expect anything good because disappointment seems to follow me around. Am I doing this to myself by expecting too much? More than likely. But, don't we all do that from time to time? I think so. We all grow up expecting fairytales and those don't exist outside of the movies.

I have much to be thankful for and I hope I can focus on those things as I move forward instead of the things that I can't change. Unhappiness can pull us all under if we let it. We just have to start each day telling ourselves that we will not go quietly into that goodnight. Attitude is everything! Having a sense of humor sure doesn't hurt either!

Of course, when all this goes wrong, I am for running away! Location suggestions and willling parties to join me are welcome!

Can't Stop Singing It...

If you read the previous post, you will see how I went on and on about Damon finally kissing Elena on The Vampire Diaries.  You might also remember me mentioning the song that was playing and that it matched up so very nicely.  OK.  I have that song stuck in my head and I find myself singing it all the time.  In meetings, in the elevator, in my office.  Thankfully, that last one is usually only heard by me but those other times are a bit awkward!  (BTW - I was not blessed with the ability to sing well.  See that post about Adele for more on that fact!)

Anyway, I can't get the tune out of my head so I thought I might pass it along.  Perhaps, just by blogging about it, I can transfer it from my head to yours.  It's worth a shot.  People are starting to complain.

So, here is my latest song obsession.  I even found one of those (usually horrible) fan made videos with the song.  This one is good so I am using it instead of the video with the lyrics which really needed some help to even approach being good.  Anyway, enjoy...

So, there you go.  If you hear me singing this one, join in!

Vampires...CW Version and Depp Version

I really thought that the whole vampire fad would have faded by now.  Was I ever wrong!  They are more popular than ever and in a good way.  In fact, I think they are getting cooler.  (Goodbye Edward, it is time to kick you out of this party!)

First up, The Vampire Diaries.  This is my guilty pleasure.  I have written about it before so I won't go into details about the show except to say that it revolves around a love triangle.  Two brothers, frozen in time due to being vampires, are both in love with the same girl.  (Look back at that other post for how they have sorta loved her before because she looks exactly like the vampire that turned them over a hundred years ago!)  Elena is the beautiful girl next door.  Stefan is the "good" brother while Damon is the "bad" brother.  OR...so it was up until recently.  Now Stefan is all about his villain status and Damon is all about saving those he loves.  Of course, he loves Elena who, up until he went nuts, was in love with Stefan.  Now, Stefan isn't in love with her (or so he claims) and Elena is boyfriendless.  Whew!  Got it?  Good!  Last week, Damon and Elena finally kissed.  I am usually yelling at him to kiss her (I also do this with Richard Castle who also never listens!!) and this time he did!  AWWW!  Let's take a look and then I'll break it down....

This scene is awesome!  Why?  Thanks for asking!  First, Damon could allow Elena to believe Stefan to be worse than he is but he tells her the truth.  Then he tells her exactly what he wants...her.  He looks like he is going to do the good guy thing and walk away but, in great Damon fashion, he walks back up to kiss her.  I LOVE the way he grabs her head then slides his hands into her hair!  He had me with that move.  (OK...he had me when he showed up on screen three years ago.)  Then Elena, instead of pushing him away, puts her hands over his wrists.  I have actually written a kiss similar to this and I got it so right because this was hot and sweet all wrapped together!  Catch the music?  "One door swinging open and one door swinging closed."  How wonderful is that?  You can never overestimate the power of the right music!  Then there is that great pull back that is so slow you think one of them might lean in again.  Finally, the "Goodnight" delivered by Damon is the sexiest Goodnight I have ever heard!  Way to rock this scene Ian and Nina!  (In case you don't know, these two are an item outside of their work on the show and I think we get a nice look at that chemistry!)

Now, to the newest vampire on the block.  Well, he has actually been around for years but someone near and dear to my heart is reviving him.  Welcome back, Barnabas Collins!  Johnny Depp will bring the vampire off the 1960/1970s Dark Shadows to life (or death...not sure) this year!  I remember the show...total early 70s creepy...and I can think of no better team than Depp and Tim Burton to bring it to the big screen.  Take a look at what Johnny looks like on the set.

Creepy?  Check!  Scary?  Check?  Still sexy?  Call me crazy, but check!  Don't get me wrong, he looks totally weird.  However, it is the crazy, creative side of him that I really love.  He disappears right into a character and that rocks!  See you at the movies, Johnny!  (Oh...I also saw where you finally broke up with the French chick.  Does that mean you are offically back on the market?  Why?  Oh...um...just asking for a friend...)

Crazy, Stupid, Love

In case you missed it, that blog title is the name of a really funny movie that came out earlier this year.  I was talking to a coworker (actually one of our pastors that works with me) and he mentioned that he had seen a movie where the girl in the movie (Emma Stone, as it turns out) had my exact personality.  OH NO was my first thought!  He described the movie and I asked him if it was Crazy, Stupid, Love.  He said yes and I told him I heard it was great but I hadn't seen it.  I told him I would check it out.  Of course, I HAD to check it out to see this character that he thought was my personality!  You really never know what people think of you so I was curious to see what he thought of me.  Honestly, based on the movie, I'm fairly goofy!  Yep, just as I suspected! 

Anyway, that comment made me rent the movie but it turned out to be a real winner!  It was laugh out loud funny!  I appreciate a clever movie that can make me laugh so I give this one two thumbs up!  In case you haven't seen it, here is the trailer. 

So, it follows Steve Carell's character who is going through a divorce from his wife played by Julianne Moore.  Carell meet a "ladies man" who schools him on how to pick up women.  That would be the ever gorgeous Ryan Gosling (Remember The Notebook?  Remember that scene in the rain?  Yeah, I thought so!).  Then poor Ryan gets the rug pulled out from under him when a girl he tried to hit on and failed shows up and changes his world.  The plot has more going on but I don't want to spoil it all.

I will go ahead and spoil one part.  SO...SPOILER ALERT!  Don't read past this part.  OK...still with me?  One of my favorite parts is when Hannah (Emma Stone) thinks that her boyfriend is going to ask her to marry him.  She is a lawyer and has just passed the Bar Exam.  Instead, he asks her to join his law firm.  She snaps and heads off to find the hot guy who hit on her in the bar.  Before I let you take a look at that scene, please know that I don't drink, pick up guys in bars or throw the f-bomb around like she is about to.  The goofy part?  Yep, probably me!  (Oh...sorry for the stupid subtitles but this is the only version I could find.)

Let me just say, he would have had me after that move too!  (The single version of me!  Geez folks!)  Anyway, Ryan can actually do the Dirty Dancing lift!  I just saw a "year in review" deal and he pulled that move off with Al Roker on The Today Show while he was promoting the movie!  AL ROKER!  Not only can he really do the move, he really looks like he is Photoshopped! 

So, what happens next?  Well, I think that is the best part.  Check it out.

I won't give anything else away.  Go rent this one for yourself and enjoy a good movie!

A Good Book and a Warm Bath

In the movie Jerry MaGuire, Renée Zellweger's character Dorothy utters this line, "I've had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath."  I guarantee that Dorothy was talking about a Nora Robert's book.

I have a theory that I think holds true for all women.  Here it is.  No matter how bad your day has been, if you light some candles, fill a tub with hot water and read a Nora Robert's book, your outlook on life will change for the better.  Your problems will look smaller, your sadness will be less and your anxiety level will be lowered when you get around to pulling the plug on the tub. 

For those of you who have never read a Nora book, you are missing out.  She is hands down the best writer of women's fiction EVER.  Yep, I said EVER!  Why?  I'll tell you.  Even though she has more than a hundred books to her name, her characters are always fresh, funny, and relatable.  She does however follow a pattern that works, at least for me, everytime.  The men are, without fail, handsome, successful and intelligent gentlemen!  They can be lawyers, writers, architects, artists, or professors.  Just when I think I have met my favorite one, she writes another one!  (I am leaving out the JD Robb books which Nora writes under the aforementioned pen name.  I have to leave those out because it isn't fair to the other guys.  Roarke rocks both on and off planet.  Read one and you will know what I mean!)

This has been a hard week.  Heck, this has been a hard year.  The holidays haven't helped because, like most other women, I have presents to buy (I actually have a color coded Excel spreadsheet for gifts...it's a sickness), presents to wrap, trees (yes, multiple) to decorate, housework to do, cooking (have I mentioned I hate cooking?) and what seems like a million other things on a never ending to do list!  Add to that a couple of months of stress levels that have made my Fibromyalgia go into hyperdrive and I am tense, ticked, and tired.  So, tonight I decided to throw my responsiblities to the wind and take a bath.  I didn't even have a new Nora book.  I dug an old one out and started reading!  Amazingly enough, the books even work on second, third or fourth reads! 

As I really relaxed for the first time in what seemed like weeks, that quote from Jerry MaGuire popped to mind.  Yeah, it is probably because Nora can write sex like no one else.  There, I said it.  She writes amazing sex and that is why I think Dorothy was talking about a Nora Roberts book in her famous quote.  Is it because she is such an awesome writer?  Yes and not really.  I think any woman, if she could articulate well enough, could come up with similar.  And, let's be honest, women writers know what women really want.  That is why I tell all my guy friends to pick up a Nora book and learn a thing or two about wooing a woman!

How about just a small sample of Nora's magic?  One of her recent novels was about a woman who had, years before, been the lone survivor of a serial killer.  She rebuilt her life and now trains dogs...both pets and search and rescue dogs.  I know what you are thinking.  Serial killer survior who trains dogs?!  What?! How can this be a "romance novel" setting?!  Well, Nora isn't the typical romance novelist and that is why I called her a women's fiction writer.  She can write murder, mystery, suspense and sex all at the same time.  Sometimes she skips the murder and it is just pretty people in cool jobs falling in love.  That works too.  Anyway, her book about the dog trainer is titled, The Search.  The love interst in this one is an artist.  I liked him immediately.  He is tempermental, says what he means even if he steps on toes and, as always, is handsome, successful and an intelligent gentleman.  The two "leads" are equally matched and they verbally battle right up until they move the battle to...well...read the book and see for yourself!  Oh, did I mention a copy cat serial killer is out to finish the job on the woman?  Yep, Nora keeps you on your toes.

There you have it.  The cure for the crappy day.  A good book...I obviously recommend Nora Roberts...and a warm bath.  I promise it will not disappoint!  Ask Dorothy!

Breaking Dawn ~ Part 1

I finally went to see the much anticipated first part of Breaking Dawn.  (No lunch and a 4 o'clock showing was too much to pass up!)  The second part of the movie comes out next November.  I think it is a big mistake.  It is my belief that Twilight has ran its course.  This time next year we will be wanting the next Hunger Games movie.  Just saying.

Anyway, this one stays close to the book and actually moves fast for a two hour movie.  It starts with the wedding.  Finally, Bella and Edward are going to have their dream wedding.  Well, it is really Alice's dream wedding but they play the leading roles.  Oh...I should say right now that this is going to have SPOILERS, SPOILERS, and more SPOILERS.  I am not kidding.  I already told you they had a wedding! 

OK.  Still with me?  Good!  So, the wedding is lovely.  Very Cullen...read overboard.  Bella's hair bothers me in this part because she is described in the book as being gorgeous at the wedding.  Well, she is not!  Her hair has these pieces hanging down and it just looks half done.  Can someone get a better hair person on the set?!  Guess not! 

As much as I criticize Kristen Stewart, I think this movie was her best.  She really looked nervous as she started down the aisle and that exactly ties into the book.  As soon as she locks eyes with Edwards, she makes you believe that she loves him (not hard since Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson a.k.a. Edward really are a couple!).  BUT...she does a good job.  I had a silly smile on my face throughout the entire wedding.  Part of it was that they filmed the kiss with the camera rotating around them and the crowd was gone.  It was just like the first movie when they danced at the prom.  The best part was they used the same song and it was great!  I like full circle and this was great full circle. 

Anyway, then there were these hysterical toasts.  Anna Kendrick talks about the famous "Edward hair" to which I laughed out loud and Bella's father says he knows Edward will be a good husband because he is in law enforcement (the dad, not Edward) and he knows how to hunt people and use a gun!  Love that Billy Burke!  Shortly thereafter the newlyweds leave on their honeymoon.  Bella says goodbye (AGAIN) to Jacob and they fight.  He discovers that Bella and Edward plan on having a real honeymoon and he fears Bella will be killed.  She says it's none of his business, blah, blah, blah.  Honestly, I think Taylor Lautner is sick of playing Jacob.  He didn't seem to be even trying during part of the movie.  Robert Pattinson was worse too at times or the make up was just bad.  Again...hair and make up!  Who hired these folks?!

So, they arrive at the big honeymoon!  Yep, we have all waited for it!  The book doesn't go into much detail.  The movie shows some "love scenes" but they are tame and I thought nicely done.  Not too much.  I always disliked the part of the book where Edward goes on and on about hurting Bella and they downplayed that part.  For those who haven't read the books, Edward is super strong and he is very hesitant to have sex with Bella while she is still human for fear he will hurt her.  As it turns out, he bruises her shoulder and arms a little.  SO WHAT?!  Anyway, he is grief stricken by this fact and refuses to touch her again.  (Funny part - he totally trashes the bedroom...way more than in the book.  The bed is broken as is other furniture and the feather pillows are toast..hence the picture which was the first image released for the movie.) 

Edward sets off to entertain Bella by playing chess and going swimming.  Yep, playing chess is going to turn her right off.  However, we women are sneaky and men are easy (usually) when it comes to sex so she brings him around to her line of thinking.  Then she gets sick.  No worries, she'll just take some meds she brought with her.  Then she spies the Tampax box and things click up.  Uh oh...she's late and, although she didn't notice before, she has a tiny belly and something is kicking her from the inside!  Edward freaks out and tells her he will have Carlisle (his adopted vampire father who is a doctor) get rid of the thing.  Bella freaks out at him calling the baby a thing and decides to protect the baby. 

Fast forward a couple of weeks and Bella is now hugely pregnant and looking horrible!  Kristen Stewart rocks this part!  It is pretty much every picture of her you see in People magazine when she is at the airport, grocery store, etc!  Stringy hair, pale skin, yucky clothes.  So, the Cullen clan all just sit and watch her like a ticking time bomb!  Let me stop here again to say that their hair and make up is getting crazy looking.  Poor Jasper looks worse in each movie.  Can someone get that guy a decent wig?! 

All this time the wolf pack that Jacob belongs to are running around fighting because part of them think Bella's demon baby is a threat and they want to kill her.  Jacob, although upset with her, isn't going to hurt Bella.  So, the wolf pack is at odds and Jacob and his posse join up with the Cullens. 

Bella continues to waste away until Jacob comes up with a thought that Edward reads out of his head.  (Yes, Edward can read every one's mind except Bella,  Go figure!)  The idea is that the baby, being half vamp, wants blood.  Bella agrees to try to drink some blood and the day is saved!  Well, maybe not.   That baby still has to get out and it is getting stronger by the day.  Edward can read the baby's mind and he bonds with it.  That part was actually very sweet and I think the actors pulled it off very well.  It is the first moment Bella and Edward are on the same page with the baby being a miracle and a blessing.  Again, sappy smile was on my face.

As fate would have it, the doctor is out when Bella goes into labor.  It is actually more like Bella's back breaks or something and then really bad things start happening.  Kristen Stewart can really bring the painful looks so she is again good in the birthing scene.  She also plays dead well!  I think they took the "Bella didn't make it" part too far because it isn't like that in the book.  Once Edward injects his venom into her heart, she starts to transform more quickly. 

I will have to give kudos to the special effects folks for making Kristen look so bad then transforming her as she is becoming a vampire.  It is very cool to see her go from ghastly to beautiful and then...wait for it...her eyes to pop open and be blood red.  CUT TO BLACK!  Wait a year and see what happens.  I'll let you in on something now, it has its ups and downs but they have their happily ever after.

Recap...wedding, sex, pregnancy gone wrong, birth gone really wrong, cute baby vamp/girl, vampire Bella.

Join me next year as we finally put a steak in this one and call it done.  I, for one, am really to see Katniss bring it in The Hunger Games!  Sorry, Bella, I am kinda over you.

More Music...

I haven't seen any movies lately so this is another post about music.  After OD'ing on Adele's Someone Like You and having some type of breakdown in the car the other morning where I was crying and singing and other drivers were looking worried, I decided to sing along to something else. 

I know, I know...The Dixie Chicks are jackwagons for their anti-America comments following 9-11.  I think they figured out fairly quickly that their demographic of listeners (flag flying, gun carrying, conservatives) didn't take kindly to their remarks about then President Bush or the good old US of A!  Know your audience...just saying.

BUT...before they outed themselves as liberal, flag burning chicks (OK, I don't think they burned a flag but it's possible!), I really liked them!  I even bought their CD.  It's worth mentioning that I almost never bought a CD but I spent hard earned money on one of theirs.  AND then they treat us like this following the worst act of terrorism on our soil EVER!  Sorry...I didn't know I still had that in me.

Back on track.  Anyway, I really loved that CD.  It was fun.  They were fun.  So, to pull myself out of the breakdown following my singing along to Adele, I cranked up Goodbye Earl.  Remember that one?  If you don't, here is the video.

I LOVE this song.  "Ain't it dark?!  Wrapped up in that tarp!"  "We need a grave!  Let's go down to the lake.  We'll pack a lunch!  And stuff you in the trunk! Is that alright?  GOOD!  Let's go for a ride!"

Now, I must have a sick sense of right and wrong but I think Earl got what was coming to him!  I am probably also sick for thinking these lyrics are hysterical.  BUT...if this was my best friend, he'd be at the bottom of some lake too!  In fact, I have said as much to my best friend's husband.  I think it's best to establish clear lines of communication on these things.  I was clear and, as long as he behaves, he has no worries!  I still have the tarp...just in case.  Kidding!  Mostly...

SO, instead of crying while I sing along to Adele, I have a huge smile on my face as I help Mary Ann and Wanda kill off Earl!  I'm not right.  It's OK.  I'm good with it!

Have a great week...and don't beat your wife or...well...ask Earl!

WARNING!

OK...so I introduced you guys to Adele a couple of posts ago with Rolling in the Deep and then again earlier today with Someone Like You.  I had just downloaded Someone Like You this morning (thanks MT for turning me onto the song!) and I have played it all day.  It is addictive!  Much like Rolling in the Deep was when I first downloaded it.  That is not the warning.

Here is where you need to be warned.  If you like to sing along to songs...I like to very much...then you might want to stick to listening to this song in your car.  It is hard to sing along to the likes of  Adele.  Little known fact...I sing amazing when I am in my car by myself.  Trust me.  It is awesome!  A funny thing happens outside the car or when others are in the car.  I can't carry a tune!  I am guessing it is the acoustics in the car when there aren't others there to clog up my air.  Anyway, since I was obsessing about this song, I found myself singing it outside of the car today!  YIKES!!  Yes, it is as painful to hear as you might imagine.

So, what have learned?  Adele is rocking awesome!  I can sing amazing well in the car by myself.  I should not, under any circumstances, attempt to sing outside of the car!

You guys have been warned.  Maybe you can sing outside of your cars but, just in case, I thought I should give you a heads up.

As a side note to this rambling post, (Two posts today...I know!  What's up with that?!) I also have very strange taste in music.  Maybe it is better if I say eclectic. Yes, that sounds better.  When I downloaded Adele's lovely tune, I also got Goodbye Earl from the Dixie Chicks (Yes, I don't like them anymore either but that song is from their pre "We hate America" era.), Ride a Horse Save a Cowboy by Big and Rich, Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi and Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO (Yeah, I didn't know the name of the group before I downloaded it!).  Is that a weird bunch of songs or what?!  So far, Adele has been the big winner on the playlist...and sing fest!  I am struggling to get past seeing Hamsters in Kia Souls when I listen to Party Rock Anthem.  Oh well...

Movies, Songs, Etc...

Do you think movie stars ever get a role where they get to play a part that they actually wanted to play in real life?  For example...do you think Tom Cruise really wanted to fly the F16 to the edge of the envelope or drive in NASCAR?  If so, their job just became so much cooler for them in those movies! 

Imagine you knew that they wanted something like that (fly the jet, etc.) and then you watched as they acted that out.  Wouldn't it be cool?  I sorta had that experience lately.  As I sat watching, I was riveted by the experience and wanted to cry.  (OK...I was really tired so that could have accounted for the almost crying part.)  Anyway, sometimes things just hit you at moments you didn't expect and I think you get a rare glimpse into the "what ifs" of this world.

OK...there is something about movies.  Whew!  My job to blog about movies is done!

I was listening to Adele this morning.  If you have not discovered her, you need to!  Check out this song.  It is amazing!  Her vocals and lyrics are haunting and this video, in its simplicity, works so very well.

I'd Do Anything For Love...

After talking about Bonnie Tyler's song in Footloose, and the comment about Steinman songs, I remembered another one of my favorites...I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) sung by Meat Loaf.  It is a really LONG song.  In fact, according to one site, the original version was 12 minutes long.  Steinman was told to cut it down and he did so they would actually play it on the radio.  The radio version is shorter than the video version but all are shorter than the original. 

When this one came out I played it over and over...and sang it really LOUD in my car!  I always wanted to act this one out.  Don't ask...I like acting and costuming so these things play out in my head.  Anyway, I thought it told a great story.  I also love how the majority of the song is Meat Loaf and then the woman jumps in and asks some tough questions.  Here are the lyrics from the radio version (I think)...

And I would do anything for love,
I'd run right into hell and back.
I would do anything for love,
I'll never lie to you and that's a fact.

But I'll never forget the way you feel right now, oh no, no way.
And I would do anything for love,
Oh I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that,
No I won't do that.

And some days it don't come easy,
And some days it don't come hard,
Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end.

And some nights you're breathing fire.
And some nights you're carved in ice.
Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again.

And maybe I'm crazy.
Oh it's crazy and it's true.
I know you can save me, no one else can save me now but you.

As long as the planets are turning.
As long as the stars are burning.
As long as your dreams are coming true, you'd better believe it!

That I would do anything for love,
And I'll be there till the final act.
And I would do anything for love,
And I'll take the vow and seal a pact.

But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way, tonight.

And I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that.
No, I won't do that!

I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just won't do that.
[x2]

[Solo]
And some days I pray for silence,
And some days I pray for soul,
Some days I just pray to the god of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll!

And maybe I'm lonely,
That's all I'm qualified to be.
There's just one and only, one and only promise I can keep.

As long as the wheels are turning.
As long as the fires are burning.
As long as your prayers are coming true, you'd better believe it!

That I would do anything for love,
And you know it's true and that's a fact.
I would do anything for love,
And there'll never be no turning back.

But I'll never do it better than I do it with you, so long, so long.
And I would do anything for love,
Oh, I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that.
No, no, no, I won't do.....

I would do anything for love.
Anything you've been dreaming of.
But I just won't do that!
[x3]

But I'll never stop dreaming of you,
Every night of my life.
No way.

And I would do anything for love.
But I won't do that.
No I won't do that.


[Girl]
Will you raise me up, will you help me down?
Will you get me right out of this God forsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

[Boy]
I can do that. Oh I can do that.

[Girl]
Will you cater to every fantasy I've got?
Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot? Hot!
Will you take me places I've never known?

[Boy]
Now I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl]
After awhile you'll forget everything.
It was a brief interlude
And a midsummer night's fling,
And you'll see that it's time to move on.

[Boy]
I won't do that. I won't do that.

[Girl}
I know the territory, I've been around,
It'll all turn to dust and will all fall down,
Sooner or later, you'll be screwing around.

[Boy]
I won't do that. No, I won't do that.

Anything for love,
Oh, I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that.
No, I won't do that.

All those pledges and promises from the guy.  This girl is the only one who can save him...the only one he will ever love.  Then comes the girl.  I love the part where she asks (she's setting him up)..."Will you make it all a little less cold?"  Sure, he'll do that.  "Will you cater to every fantasy I've got?  Will you take me places I've never known?"  Sure again, he'll do that!  Then she hits him with it.  He'll end up being bored with her.  He'll want someone else.  He'll end up with someone else.  No.  He claims he won't do that.  Will he?  Guess it depends on the guy.

This song has a awesome video.  OK, at least I think it is awesome because I had already wanted to act the thing out before I saw the video!  Michael Bay (he that blows things up in movies) directed the video.  It is based on Beauty and the Beast and The Phantom of the Opera.  Bob Keane did Meat Loaf's make-up, which took up to two hours to apply. The make-up was designed to be simple and scary, yet "with the ability to make him sympathetic." (It also serves to make Meat Loaf look more attractive when he is shown minus the make-up!)  It went over budget, and was filmed in 90 °F heat, across four days. According to one executive, it "probably had the budget of Four Weddings and a Funeral."  It is the abridged seven minute single version, rather than the twelve minute album version.  Check it out...

There you have it!  Meat Loaf singing one of my favorites!  Great song, great video and a great memory from the 90s.

I Need A Hero...

With that title I bet you guys think I am going to write about yet another superhero movie.  Well, you would be wrong!

Today marks the release date of the remake of Footloose.  I hear it is terrible.  I don't plan on seeing it.  However, it got me thinking about the original version.  I LOVE that movie.  Teen angst, dancing, Kevin Bacon as the cool, bad boy...what's not to love? 

The original Footloose came out in 1984 and was billed as "a city boy comes to a small town where rock music and dancing have been banned."  What?!  Ban rock and roll music and dancing?  Yep!  Apparently, a group of kids had been out partying one night several years before and got killed in a car accident.  The town went nuts and cut out music and dancing.  Enter that city boy, Ren, who thinks it's a really stupid rule. 

Wouldn't you know it, the city boy ends up catching the eye of the pastor's daughter, Ariel.  The pastor is the leader of this no dancing deal and Ariel makes it her mission to play the bad girl role to the hilt.  Guess what they say about pastor's kids is true!  Anyway, Ariel's new mission is to get Ren even though she has a boyfriend (he beats her so we all hate him).  Ren's mission is to change the town or get out. 

Thankfully, Ren does make some friends along the way.  You know, those great people who talk you into doing things like playing chicken with tractors!  Yep, Ren ends up facing off against Ariel's boyfriend in a dangerous game of tractor chicken!  Check out that clip below.  Be aware - there is probably language.  The 80s movies are well known for adding in the language!  Here you go...

That song playing in the background is Bonnie Tyler's I Need A Hero (yep, there's that blog title!).  What a GREAT 80s song!  It also has a great lesson for all you guys on what a woman really is looking for!  Check out the lyrics...

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

I need a hero
I’m holding on for a hero ‘til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero (hero)
I’m holding on for a hero ‘till the morning light (‘till the morning light)
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life (gotta be larger than life)
Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There’s someone reaching back for me

Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet

I need a hero
I’m holding on for a hero ‘til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding on for a hero ‘til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
I need a hero
I’m holding on for a hero ‘til the end of the night

Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear there is someone somewhere
Watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like a fire in my blood
I need a hero...etc...

See, guys, that is all you need to do!  Bonnie spells it out very clearly!  Warrior just back from battle (please wear cool costume...see Thor post if you need inspiration) where he has rescued the fair maiden or defended her in some way.  Contrary to all that feminist talk, at the heart of it all, women still want the white knight.  Unfortunately, there are so few of those heroes still around.  Oh well...

Back to Footloose.  Ren has some great dance numbers with the most famous one being a heated, angry dance through a warehouse.  In case you've never seen it, check it out.  Oh...before you play it please be aware that Ren smokes and drinks in this clip.  Those kids from the 80s were BAD!

One of the most heartwarming moments of the movie comes when Ren attempts to teach his new farmer friend, Willard, how to dance.  Check it out...

In the end, the kids get to have their school dance and Ren gets the girl.  This clip, showing the end of the movie, has a little note at the beginning so be patient.  Also, please note the rocking 1984 styles these kids are sporting! 

Yes, the 80s were an interesting time.  Too bad Hollywood can't leave well enough alone and stop with all the remakes!  Someone must have some new ideas!  Anyone?!  If you do, call California...

 

It's A Good Look!

 

Well, today I got a little time off I wasn't expecting (Texas Ranger was sick) so I got to watch a movie!  After taking little man to the doctor and picking up some medicine, we arrived back home with a movie we bought while shopping at Target.  At last, the...well...last of the Avengers...Thor!  Yeah, I know his movie came out before Captain America but I didn't get to see it in the theaters so Thor was the last Avenger I got to see.  Well, technically speaking I hadn't seen Hawkeye either since he is in Thor but he didn't rate his own movie.  Neither did Black Widow but at least she was in Iron Man 2 longer than 3 minutes!  If I was Haweye and Black Widow, I would look into joining the super hero union so I could get equal time.  Just saying!

Anyway, I had no expectations for Thor.  I had no idea what his story was all about other than he has a hammer.  I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised!  These super hero movies just keep getting better!  I was wowed by Captain America and I was also wowed by Thor!  I like Captain America's story a little better because it all takes place on Earth but Thor was very cool. 

The man chosen to weld the hammer is Chris Hemsworth.  I'm just going to say it.  He is yummy!  I thought Chris Evans looked hot as Captain America!  Chris Hemsworth as Thor totally blew him away!  Is it the costume?  The accent?  Both!  The title for this post comes from a set of lines between Thor and the Earth woman he falls for.  After seeing Thor for the first time in his "costume", this is what is said...Jane: "So is this how you normally look?"  Thor: "More or less."  Jane: "It's a good look!"  You ain't kidding, Jane!  I once heard that heroes are suppose to be guys that women want and men want to be.  I don't know if guys want to be you, Chris Hemsworth, but the other is true!

Oh...let me stop right here and say that a previous post of mine was wrong.  If I am not mistaken, I listed Loki as an Avenger.  Nope!  He is Thor's evil brother!  Who knew?!  Yes, comic book fans everywhere but not me!  I am guessing that Loki shows up in The Avengers movie.  That is where the confusion came in.  So, sorry to all you comic book geeks!  I meant no offense.

What is Thor about?  Well, Thor is an immortal.  The god of Thunder.  He has a hammer that he uses to kick some serious butt.  He is a jerk at first.  He gets banished to Earth.  (We all know how hard THAT is to deal with!)  He finds love and is humbled.  Returns to his home planet to deal with his evil brother.  Oh...and his dad is Sir Anthony Hopkins!  There you have it! 

Seriously, it's a good story!  Not only is the action good but there is a love story which I always like!  SPOILER ALERT - I'm not kidding...I'm about to talk about the end of the movie!  Stop reading!  OK...I really like the fact that Thor leaves Earth telling Jane he will return for her.  He kisses her hand.  AWWW!  Then Jane lays one hot kiss on Thor!  You go, girl!  Once on his home planet, Thor has to make a tough decision that destroys the way he can come back to Earth.  The end lines are these..Thor: "So Earth is lost to us..."  Heimdall: "No. There is always hope."  Thor: "Can you see her?"  Heimdall: "Yes."  Thor: "How is she?"  Heimdall: "She searches for you."  You see, Jane is a scientist and had found the traces of the bridge that runs between worlds.  The same bridge Thor used to travel to Earth and then had to destroy.  Heimdall, the man who controls the cosmic bridge, can see her and knows that Jane is looking for a way to find Thor.  Again...AWWWW!  I hope these two get a shot in The Avengers movie when Thor, somehow, finds a way back to Earth.

 

If you like action and adventure, I would recommend Thor to you!  If you like a love story, I would recommend it too.  If you just want to see Chris Hemsworth without his shirt on, you can do that too! :)

 

 

Bones and Random Stuff

I really like the show Bones. I think I've mentioned it before. Anyway, I am rewatching the episode where Vincent Nigel Murray takes a bullet and Bones and Booth finally...well...seal the deal. Let me just say, this was a long time in coming and fans of the show mostly wanted to see these two end up together. Let me also say that the deal sealing had zero passion...none...zilch! What?! After years and years of will they or want they, they finally end up together and it is the most boring hook up ever?! FAIL! Did they wait too long? Maybe. Let's hope that another favorite of mine, Castle, doesn't fall prey to the same fate!

Speaking of love gone wrong. I am really digging the song, Rolling in the Deep. If you listen to the lyrics, it has some hard core pain. It is about what could have been and looking back at a relationship gone bad. Adele poors her soulful voice into the lyrics and it is awesome! This song also has one of the most random, odd videos I have seen in a while. It's cool but totally random! Check it out on YouTube.

Castle returns tomorrow. I will not get to see it. DirecTV is NOT my friend right now! Oh well, life goes on...

Nope...I am NOT watching it...

I decided not get True Blood this summer on HBO. It had gotten really out there with witches and homosexual behavior that I was just sick of watching. What I was NOT sick of watching was the relationships between Sookie and her ex-fiancé, Bill, and her yet to be explored relationship with Eric. Sookie didn't want any part of Eric but he pretty much undressed her with his eyes each time he saw her! I don't think many guys can pull that eye thing off but vampire Sheriff Eric sure does a great job! He had also tricked Sookie into letting him drink some of her blood (he was sorta injured) and then he had a vampire link to her. He could put himself into her dreams and they were...well...interesting dreams.

Anyway, I was NOT going to watch True Blood. Nope...wasn't gonna happen...not doing it! And, I haven't! Well, sorta...

As many of you probably know, there is a little internet site called YouTube. Well, I stumbled...and by stumbled I mean went to YouTube and typed "Eric and Sookie"...on the Eric and Snooki scenes from this season! I had heard they had finally explored that relationship now that Bill, Sookie's ex, had betrayed her. After a year of living in fairy land (yes, another reason I said no to season 4!), Sookie returns to find Eric owns her house and has restored it after it was totally messed up by vampires, werewolves and a strange something that arrived in season 2 that had a weird name I have forgotten. Anyway, Eric owns the house so Sookie has to put up with him because she can't "uninvite" him and make him leave...vampires have to be invited in you know!

Anyway, Eric loses his memory for some reason. I have no idea why. But...this new Eric appeals to Sookie and, in true HBO style, they have some steamy scenes. Yes, I stumbled across them on that YouTube thing. Now, I have always, since the show began, wanted Sookie and Eric to be a couple. Why? I'll be honest. It is because Eric is smoking hot! He is also the vampire that could kill Edward Cullen just by thinking about it! Sorry Robert Pattinson, but Eric is a man where you are just a sparkly boy!

Anyway, in my accidental stumbling around on YouTube, I found most of the Eric and Sookie scenes from this season. Since it is HBO, I am sure not posting them here! Rated "R" is almost an understatement! I wonder how the actress who plays Sookie feels about filming these VERY steamy scenes while her real life husband (her ex Bill on the show) looks on! Awkward!

One scene...they actually wore all their clothes in this one...had Eric injured and needing to feed. Sookie offers herself and Eric bites her. After he finishes, he bites his own hand and offers her his blood. She has drank vamp blood before if she was injured because it heals. She tells him she isn't injured but he tells her it will make them "one". She grabs his hand and drinks. Sexy...and I can't even describe why!

Let's just say that my little YouTube visit brought me up to speed on what has been going on with Eric and Sookie. HBO can keep all that other crap! All I needed was to see Eric and Sookie finally get together. It did not disappoint! In fact, at one point I noticed I was gripping the computer desk with my hand! Are Eric and Sookie hot...you betcha! Now, if I can only figure out how to get Eric to make a guest appearance in my dreams! Hey, a girl can...well...dream!

What If Death Looked Like Brad Pitt?

Remember the movie Meet Joe Black? No?! Well, here is the short version. A rich man, Anthony Hopkins, is about to die and Death comes for him. Death comes in the form of Brad Pitt who identifies himself to Hopkins character and says he wants to live and learn a little bit about life. Since Death can apparently take any form, he takes the form of a man who met Hopkin's daughter just before he was accidentally killed (she doesn't see him killed). She was already taken with Pitt...what woman isn't! Anyway, Death stays a bit and takes the name Joe Black. He is enchanted by the little things like peanut butter! I mean, come on, he has been sucking the life out of everyone without getting to enjoy the little things of life so this is all a big deal. Pitt plays him beautifully as he discovers all of the joys and pains that make up life.

Death falls for Hopkin's beautiful daughter and she falls for him. Of course, she doesn't know he is Death come to claim her father. She and Death have some intimate moments. That is a bit creepy. Right?! I would be freaked out to discover I had made love to Death! Being that he looks like Brad Pitt would go a long way in helping me get over that part! :)

Anyway, all is well that ends well even though Hopkins really does get taken by Death. As an act of love, death sends back the man that was accidentally killed so that Hopkin's daughter can have the man of her dreams...even if that man isn't exactly who she thought he was!

So, it is sort of a love story wrapped around Death. Honestly, what love story isn't! :)  Here's the trailer...

This isn't my favorite Pitt movie. I would have to go with Mr. and Mrs. Smith or The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. As Mr. Smith, he is just fun and sexy. Guns...shooting the house to bits, steamy sex...yep, I'd take that! (So did Angelina Jolie...just saying.)  If you haven't seen it, check out the trailer...

As Benjamin Button, he is aging in reverse and has a life long love affair with one woman, Daisy. It is a strange love affair but lovely at the same time. When Benjamin and Daisy are finally the same age, they act on the relationship that has built over time. It is a great scene where Daisy says something like "sleep with me" and Benjamin simply replies "absolutely". I don't know why that is so sexy but it sure is!  Didn't see it?  Here's the trailer...



Brad Pitt knows how to bring the sexy when needed in a movie. Wait...he is also really good in A River Runs Through It! Yep...here is the trailer...

It also has one of my favorite lines in a movie. I'll end this rambling post with it...

"Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters."
~ Final lines in A River Runs Through It



Mothers Should Get Hazard Pay...

Being a mother is fraught with perils.  Whether it's long, sleepless nights, never being "done" with anything or the fits of insanity that pop up, motherhood is not for the weak.  Never mind that whole pregnancy and labor part, I am talking about the life that begins when that little bundle of joy is born.  It's yours and it can't be returned...even if you try really hard.

I have survived...yes, survived...over 11 years of motherhood so far.  I am a relative newbie to the field.  However, I have two exceptional children.  Am I saying that, like so many mothers, I believe my children to be better, smarter or more athletic than other children?  Heck no!  I am saying that they possess the exceptional ability to drive me to the point of total love and total madness within a range of about a minute.  That is skill!  I don't think all children possess this skill set at this level.  Therefore, my children are in a league of their own and I am most often thinking of running away.  I don't run away, or haven't yet, so I think I am a superhero mom.  I know this is delusional but it gets me through the day.  I am also considering superhero mom costume options.  Got suggestions?  Just shout those out.

This week, in an attempt to give my kids a good last week before school, I have planned fun outings.  We've been to the movies (check out that great review of Captain America!), the pool, and, yesterday, a theme park!  Remember when I said that motherhood came with fits of insanity?  Well, read on.

My best friend and I decided to take five children ages eleven and under to a theme park.  We hoped it would be less crowded now that summer is winding down.  (I know, it is 100 degrees outside but schools are about to start back so that is the part of summer I am talking about.)  We knew it would be hot.  We totally believed we could conquer this theme park and win.  Yep, a fit of insanity!

To start, let's meet the children, shall we?  (Please note the names have been changed to protect the children from weirdos who stalk the internet looking for things about children and have sick motives for doing so.  I sincerely hope all you weirdos are hunted down by the proper authorities or people like that father on the movie Taken and killed.)  OK...the kids...we have have Rapunzel (age 5), K-Bug (age 8), Toe Head (age 11), Texas Ranger (age 6) and Walker (age 11).  Now, let's meet the mothers!  I shall keep the names the same on these because Teresa scares me and I think she would handily kill any of you weirdos I mentioned earlier (fear her...I ain't kidding!) and Beth.  That last one is me and I have a gun and I don't mind to shoot said weirdos.  In fact, I need some target practice.  Now that we have met the players, let's talk about the day we decided to tackle a theme park.  WARNING - The following contains discussions of body fluids, fighting, judgemental observations, see through clothing and lots of yelling.  Reader discretion is advised.

So, there we were, happily on our way to a theme park.  That's a happy time.  Right?  It sure was!  We showed up, totally ignored where the theme park parking attendant told us to go and found a place closer to the front.  I don't think that the parking attendant was pleased but we just pretended not to notice his wild waving of arms in the direction he wanted us to go!  Ha HA!  We already beat part of the system!  So, with a parking spot within easy walking distance to the entrance, we all hope out of the van ready to go.  Well, Texas Ranger really did need to GO!  So, his wonderful mother, that would be me, looked all around and let him pee between two cars.  I did encourage him NOT to hit the other cars with pee and figured it would evaporate before the car owners returned and had to step in it so, success!  Yep, mother of the year material!  With that bit of business taken care of, we walked up to the park entrance just to witness what seemed like thousands of youth group members entering the park.  Tons of blue shirts with Biblical messages and then green shirts and grey ones and on and on!  They were everywhere!  Worse yet, they were all heading for those rides we wanted to get on!  (We later were told there were 2,000 youth group members at the park.  Do we know how to pick a day to visit or what?!)

At this point, it was about 10 a.m. and already about 90 degrees regular temperature.  Theme park temp, around 105.  Undaunted, (OK...that is a lie, I was already daunted but I was committed so on with the show!) we started to the first ride and made it on pretty fast.  Not so bad!  The second ride line was LONG and clogged with all those youth.  Never fear, we just moved to the next ride.  That is where Teresa and I discovered an embarrassing fact.  My shirt, not a white shirt mind you, was see through when wet!  We discovered this after we got off a ride where we got really wet.  Yep, this is SO my luck.  I worried about it for about 23 seconds and then the oppressive heat kicked back in and I decided it would dry fast enough.  Besides, it was a theme park and there were people intentionally wearing things that were more suggestive than my transparent t-shirt where you could see that I had actually chosen to wear a bra...unlike some women. 

Shortly after I became a walking billboard for Victoria's Secret bras, my children decided they were starving!  Not hungry, not "I need a little snack to hold me over", but STARVING!  Whining began and, I've going to have to say, my kids excel at this too.  So, my nerves are frazzled, you can see through my shirt, I need to find food quickly and it isn't even noon!  First food establishment has about 200 of those youth folks I mentioned earlier.  We made an alternate plan and raced to another lesser known eating place.  Success!  I grabbed some food and a table even opened up while I was in line.  Being the great mother that I am, I yelled to Walker, "GO GRAB THAT TABLE" and he jumped across a fence to get it!  Another skill those kids have, getting what they want!  This time it worked for me...usually it is against me!

I had hope.  We were sitting down.  We were in the shade.  There was food and drinks.  There was no whining.  Life was great!  Then we had to get up.  BUT, we were all in a better mood so there were some smiles and laughs and we looked like a happy theme park crew.  We even hit the next ride and got on relatively quickly even though those groups of youth seemed to be following us.  The ride was eventful in that, when we were queued up to ride next, someone on the ride had a cell phone slip out of a pocket and we got to see that sucker totally destroyed!  It hit a building twice and then smashed into the pavement breaking into at least three pieces.  The kids loved it!  Sometimes, it takes so little to make them happy!

All this time, it was getting hotter and hotter.  Let me just say, I think that black asphalt was almost as its melting point and I was WAY past mine!  BUT, on a good note, my shirt had dried so I wasn't flashing the other park goers. 

Time for more coasters and I sat out with Rapunzel and Texas Ranger.  We found a spot of shade and stood and stood and stood.  We even got to stand there while a questionably dressed family arrived and the conversation between them went down something like this..."WOMAN: You been gone a helluva long time! MAN: Well, that ride line was hell!  WOMAN: Well, it is hotter than hell out here!"  Good times.  Thankfully, they moved on and I spotted a shady bench!  What luck?!  Too bad Texas Ranger needed to pee again about a minute after we sat down.  Off to the closest restroom with Rapunzel in a stroller and Texas Ranger walking funny because he NEVER tells me he needs to pee until the LAST minute!  I also should mention that Rapunzel's stroller's wheels would not roll correctly until the driver (me at this time) pushed and shoved it to the point of almost dumping its occupant!  I cursed that stroller throughout the day when I had to drive it but it was better than having our youngest member hot, tired, and walking.  Concessions must be made in dire times. 

So, off we raced to the restroom.  I sent Texas Ranger into the men's room which I hate doing in case those perverts that stalk kids online are in the restroom but I had no other choice since he would not join me and Rapunzel in the women's restroom.  He runs off and I push, yank and tug that stroller towards the women's restroom.  When I arrive at the entrance, three girls wearing those youth t-shirts are admiring themselves in front of the mirror that happens to be in front of the door to the restroom.  I get this.  I like to look at myself too from time to time.  However, if someone comes up, I would move.  These girls were firmly planted and weren't moving.  So, I did what every mother with a stroller would do, I plowed ahead and sorta played chicken with them.  They either had to move or get hit.  They moved but just barely enough for me to get to the door.  I had to get in front of the stroller and try to open the door and then drag kid and stroller in.  Did those girls offer once to help me by holding the door that was in easy reach of the three of them?  NOPE!  Girls...your t-shirts talk about how you want to tell others about Jesus.  Helping people tells others about Jesus.  Just saying!  (I'm not even going to talk about all those youth kids I saw that were using the Lord's name in vain over and over while wearing those shirts.)  Anyway, I entered the restroom while yelling in Rapunzel's direction...I say "in her direction" because she wasn't really listening to me...about how if you are going to wear t-shirt like that they you should help people out and not just stand and watch someone struggle!  I now wonder if no one exited the stalls because they were worried about the crazy lady that had entered the restroom yelling!  Oh well, restroom crisis averted, and the ride had been a success for the other part of the group!

We worked our way around with tempers flaring as the temperature soared and the lines grew longer.  All in all, it wasn't as bad as it could have been.  Now, I may be writing that because I am sitting in an air conditioned house at the moment and have blocked, a great skill of mine, the bad memories!  As it grew late, we decided that I would take the younger two kids on a "kiddie ride" and Teresa would take the older four and try to get on the coaster we had to pass up earlier due to the long line.  The plan was to meet at the entrance to the theme park.  Ever notice how plans sometimes fall apart?  Yep, this one totally blew up on us.  With only one cell phone, we couldn't call each other and we apparently missed one another during, you guessed it, another restroom break for Texas Ranger!  Hey, at least he was well hydrated! After about an hour, we finally reconnected and we all looked rough.  We drug ourselves back to the van and headed for home.  About 20 minutes from my house (drop point one), K-Bug said she was feeling sick.  Her declarations of, "I think I am going to throw up on the people in the front seat," got our attention and she was promptly given an empty shopping bag.  Again, crisis averted and, thankfully, she didn't throw up!

Parting at my house we all looked tired and smelly.  Not sure how one looks smelly, but we accomplished it!  Best of all, we had all survived that theme park!  It may have gotten in some good licks, but we left with nary a scratch!  OK...to be honest, Texas Ranger did have a huge blister on his foot but he has prayed for it in every meal time prayer since so I am sure it will be better soon.

Motherhood.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  It ain't for sissies!