OK...so I have so far this Christmas season put up a 14 foot tree at the airport. But hey, I learned a new skill...scissor lift operator...that may come in handy at some point in my life. I have also installed three trees in my home (along with mantel decor and a whole host of trimmings throughout the entire house). Additonally, I have decorated our entire Administration office with the help of the other elf that does the job every year. Now elf #1 got the job years before me because she arrived at our workplace years before me. I forget how I became elf #2 in this arrangement. Over the years (15 this year if I am not mistaken), there have only been two times that elves 1 & 2 did not do this job. It wasn't because suddenly our holiday inspired coworkers decided to give us a break. It was because one of us was on medical leave. Yep, to get out of this job you have to be on mandatory sick leave from a doctor, on maternity leave or dead. I was unaware of this small print when I took on the job of elf #2. Elf #1, if you are reading this, we need to get smart before next year and come up with a plan...maybe we can get an elf union to come in and we can eat cookies and drink hot chocolate while our coworkers fluff garland and try to figure out why those freaking lights aren't working on the tree!!! Something to ponder...
But, as usual, I digress. So, I spread Christmas cheer for all to see and you would think my work is done. You would be wrong. Every year for the last several, I have been putting up my grandparent's Christmas decorations as well. Now I had fallen a bit behind this year...did you read all that stuff up there in paragraph one! Feeling terribly bad that it was just two weeks from Christmas and I hadn't put their decorations up guilted me into a trip last week. Off the little one and I go to get the job done. My grandparents were away for part of the day so I was going to surprise them.
My biggest fear in this endeavor was how I was going to get their Christmas tree out of their attic without killing myself. This part actually went very smoothly with me clutching the tree box in one hand and lowing myself while holding on with the other hand. Tah Dah...tree is out of the attic. I drag it inside and find the totes holding all the other stuff. Now the totes (those nice red and green Rubbermaid things that no holiday should be packed away without) are a new addition from last year. Last year was when I finally got so sick to death of unpacking the popcorn tins that my grandmother used to store her ornaments...yep, those lovely tins that come with three types of popcorn most often purchased at a high end retail establishment like a K-Mart or Wal-Mart. Anyway, I decided to get the tree up first and then deal with the rest of the decorations. I get the base out of the box and the first section of tree is stuck to the plastic base. Odd I thought but I sat it up. It seemed to be woobly so I moved it from the rug to the hardwood and thought I was home free. I grab section number 2 of the tree and slide it into place. Things are going great! I reach for the top section and the whole tree begins to tumble toward my grandmother's end table where there are priceless, breakable items. I lunge for the tree and I barely avert a disaster. Upon closer inspection of the tree base, I figure out the problem. The base doesn't have all the pieces attached. Off I go to look through the totes fussing the entire time about why someone would remove the base pieces and not put them in the tree box! I mean, who would do that? My brother last year when he took it down. So, unkind things are being said about brother dear as I dig through the totes. Ah Ha! I find the legs! Back to the living room I run since I have Texas Ranger holding up the tree. As my luck would have it, I couldn't pull apart sections 1 and 2 so TR had to stand there trying to hold up the tree. It was quite a site I assure you. Now TR and I have to work together to tilt the tree from side to side to get these stupid legs on. TR comes through (he ain't no sissy boy) and we have a stable tree. On goes section three and darn if all the lights don't work on the first try. I really think someone was smiling down on me then...or laughing really hard. I should also mention that by this point I am sweating like a pig. Now for those of you who know me, I am cold natured. HOWEVER, my grandparent's keep their house heat set on about 95 degrees. They are 89 and 90 year's old so it is to be expected. So, with sweat rolling down my face I stand back to admire the tree and it looks good. Now all TR and I have to do it decorate it...and the rest of the house. We tie on velvet bows and search for ornament hooks (grandmother doesn't believe in buying any new hooks so these babies are circa 1972) and string approximately 39 feet of gold bead garland on the tree. It is a thing of beauty with its multi colored lights and blinking angel on top. Feeling a Christmas Vacation moment take hold I temporarily break into the chorus of Joy To The World. TR gives me the look and we move on. I decorate the mantel, put new candles up, put out a ceramic tree (I could not find it's bulb but it still looked lovely) and generally make the house festive. Things are really starting to come together now. I am feeling pretty smug and then I spy the Christmas table cloth that was handmade by my grandmother. Crap. I get it out and it is wrinkled. I have a momentary thought to just put it on and let the wrinkles fall out. Being my mother's daughter (she is known as THE PRESSER), I find the iron. Did you know that in 50 year old houses that some outlets only fit certain plugs? I didn't know this either and was thwarted for a few minutes by an outlet that I knew just HAD to work. It didn't work. Dragging iron and ironing board to another area I find a normal looking plug and I am back in business! I let the iron heat up while I put away boxes and made the house look nice again. I then learn that my grandmother's iron is about one step away from those cast iron jobs you once heated in a fire and then just pressed really hard onto a stone or something. This baby would not have gotten a crease out of a stick of Land O Lakes butter! So, I am pressing down with all my strength and shoving the iron back and forth. By doing this, I am making progress. Around and around I go with this tablecloth until it looks presentable. I gingerly carry it to the kitchen and my eyes land on the table...with its 1/2 inch thick piece of plexiglass covering. Darn it! I wrestle the approximately 49 pound piece of plexiglass off the table and prop it against the countertop. Please don't fall was my silent prayer. I quickly arrange the tablecloth. Mustering all my strength, I pick up the round piece of plexiglass and get it leveled over the table and set it down gently enough not to mess up my tablecloth arrangement job. I am thrilled!
I step back, sweat pouring off me to spy my work. Not bad. OK, the gold bead garland could be better but I had to get it up fast...TR had tied it around his head and then wrists and told me the bad guys had ties him up. Ahhh...the joys of Christmas!
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