It's Still Sad...Even When You See It Coming

My grandfather, Papaw, passed away this afternoon around four.  I saw him last night but now that seems like ages ago.  Today has been long and hard and sad. 

We all knew it was coming but, hearing my dad tell me that Papaw had died, it felt like a punch.  A punch of sorrow.  You remember the person in those memories that you have saved up and now you know that you will never see them again this side of heaven. 

It was hard telling my kids.  They are old enough to have known and loved Papaw.  This is also their first real experience with death.  It isn't far from mine to be honest.  This is probably the closest person to me that I have ever lost.  Pushing 40, that is saying something.  Anyway, my youngest kept asking why Papaw had to die today.  I am not sure if he thought tomorrow would have been better or yesterday but he was fixated on "why today".  I told him that we all have a day picked out by God and this was Papaw's special day to go to heaven.  He was reminded by me that we will meet again and, even though it is still sad, there will be another day when we see him.  Being only six, this is a hard concept to grasp when next week is still a long time away to him.   My older son seems to still be processing it.  He really doesn't want to seem upset.  After all, he is eleven and "mature".

Honestly, this afternoon from four on has felt so long.  It has been a lonely time even though I have had many calls, texts, emails, Facebook messages, etc.  I guess this is the path we all walk when someone we love dies because only we can wrap our arms around our own grief.

Why today?  Because that is exactly when it was suppose to happen.  On the day Papaw was born, this date was set.  It was over 92 years into the future, but it was still set by the hand of the Almighty.  I think when people face the death of someone they love, they also wonder about what day they have set for them.  Will it be soon or far into the distance?  Will someone think fondly of us and smile over a memory?  Perhaps a grandchild of our own might ask "why today".  I don't know about any of that because it isn't mine to know.  What I do know is that the date is set.  So, Papaw, I will see you on that "today" that is meant for me.